


Johnny Silverhand's Guide to Friendship

by ScorpioInk



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fights, Friendship, Shitty Friends, Slow Burn, chosen family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:34:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk
Summary: Johnny Silverhand had spent most of his life being let down, by people, places, plans. Didn't matter what, in the end he knew that people didn't have his back.V had Jackie. Had. Now facing a confusing and scary path, she was alone. Her nomad family wouldn't save her now.Together though? Yeah, they might be on to something.
Relationships: Female V/Johnny Silverhand, Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 14
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always, my foundation chapters sort of suck. I'm sorry in advance.

“You know what I miss?”

V looked up from the engine of her car, glancing at Johnny. This was one of the rare days when Johnny was in a talkative mood.

“What’s that?”

“I miss burgers. Like a _good_ medium-rare burger.”

“If I eat, can you taste what I’m having?”

“Yeah, but you don’t eat much.”

“To be fair,” V went back to changing her sparkplugs, “I’ve been feeling pretty sick lately. If you want burgers though, I can stop for one on the way home.”

There was a pause, and V turned to see if Johnny was still around.

“Really?”

“I mean sure,” V let out a shout of triumph as she reached the last sparkplug lead. She loved muscle cars, but they weren’t easy for someone her height to work on, “if we have to share this body we might as well be happy, right? I know we’re only known each other for a week or two, but I’m not a total bitch.”

Johnny seemed dumbfounded, “thanks, V.”

“No problem, choom,” V stood on the front bumper, pushing herself further into the car, “if you had a specific restaurant in mind let me know, I can always see if they’re still open.”

“Been fifty years, seems doubtful.”

“Doubtful, sure, but not impossible.”

***

“Take a left here, it used to be a little stand right on the corner.”

“I can see somethin’,” V pulled her car up on the curb, “you’ll have to tell me how you made it, toppings and shit.”

“If it’s the same old guy, just ask him for the Johnny special. He was a fan of Samurai, he put it on the menu.”

V stood in line, only just catching a glimpse of grey hair from the food truck.

“Fuck, that’s him,” Johnny lit a cigarette, “can’t believe he’s still alive.”

“Rogue’s still alive.”

“Yeah, but she has the money for cybernetics. This guy? Probably the only thing in Night City he owns is this truck.”

“What can I get ya?”

V glanced up and smiled at the old man, “hey, I heard on the street that this was the _best_ place to get somethin’ called a _Johnny special_.”

“Johnny special,” the man laughed, “haven’t made one of those in nearly twenty years.”

“I don’t suppose I could convince you?”

“Sure can, beautiful, you just hang tight. You want it cooked like he had it, too?”

“Whatever Johnny did sounds good for me.”

“Preem. The name is Tony, don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”

“Nice to meet you, Tony. Name’s V. I am or _was_ a nomad. Only been in NC for just over a year.”

“How do you like it?”

V laughed, “well, it’s been exciting to say the least, but it beats the Badlands, I guess.”

“Still, you can’t beat cooking over a fire,” Tony pulled a huge burger patty from a small fridge and tossed it on the grill, “hope you like it pink inside, Johnny was always picky about that.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“You a Samurai fan?”

“Mmhmm. Grew up listing to Black Dog and Never Fade Away.”

“The classics,” Tony put down a basket of fries into the fryer, “I miss havin’ him around. You know, everyone always said he was trouble, I don’t think that he was. I think it was like any other guy that came back from the war. They had issues.”

“War changes people,” V watched as Johnny sat on a nearby picnic table, “but from what I’ve heard, he seemed like a nice guy.”

“He was. One time he brought the band by after a gig, and Kerry, the little shit, tried to refuse to pay. Johnny gave him shit and dropped a huge tip. Kid was always alright with me.”

“Vik Vektor seemed to remember him pretty clearly, too. Sounds like Johnny left quite a mark on the world. I still find his vinyls everywhere.”

“Last time the world had good music,” Tony started putting together the burger, “with real passion. That’s why Johnny was good, he believed what he was singin’ about. I miss him. I hope he’s doin’ well wherever he is. I know they said he died in Arasaka Tower, but I don’t believe that shit. Bet he’s in a prison somewhere.”

“Me too,” V tried not to wince as Tony loaded the burger with hot peppers, “but the best thing about people like Johnny is that their words carry so much weight they don’t like…well…fade away…when they're gone. There’s a reason why people like you and Karim, and Vik, all remember him. He might not be around physically, but NC still feels Johnny. He’s in its very blood.”

“You’re right,” Tony handed her a takeout container to her and grabbed a beer to go with it, “did you say Karim?”

“Mmhmm, he has a little stand outside of what used to be the Rainbow Cadenza club. Sells old Samurai stuff.”

“You don’t say, I used to hang out with him at the gigs.”

“You should go say hi to him, tell him V sent you.”

“Will do.”

“Thanks for this,” V held up the containers, “what do I owe you?”

“Nothin’” Tony waved her off, “it was nice to have a real conversation with someone.”

“Tony, you can’t be givin’ shit away for free.”

“Don’t nag me, woman,” Tony smiled, “consider it a favor to Johnny, wherever he is.”

“I tell you what, if I ever find him, I’ll tell him to drop by.”

“You do that. If you want to do me a real solid, smack Kerry if you ever meet him.”

“Deal.”

***

“God that is _so good_ ,” Johnny groaned as V ate the burger, “ _fuck_ , almost better than sex.”

V chuckled, “glad you’re enjoying it.”

“It was nice, surprising, to hear old Tony talkin’ about me.”

“Why?”

“I was an asshole.”

“Well, I’m not going to argue with that,” V took a sip of her beer, “but people clearly loved you. I haven’t met one person yet that knew you that doesn’t miss somethin’ about you. You’ve been gone fifty years, Johnny, and people are still talking about you. I know you said you didn’t make a change, with Arasaka Tower still standing, but I don’t think that’s true. Rogue, Tony, Karim, hell even Vik, you changed their lives. That’s the sort of legacy that anyone should be proud of.”

Johnny cleared his throat but didn’t say anything, just sat quietly as V finished her burger and collected the garbage to toss away.

“How was that?”

“Amazing,” V smiled at Tony, “thank you. I’ll be sure to swing back.”

“See that you do,” Tony leaned against the door to the food truck, “now all you need is some Samurai playin’ and a cigarette, and you’d be all set for a typical night of Johnny Silverhand.”

“Don’t suppose you have a cigarette layin’ around?”

“I’ll do you one better,” Tony tossed her a pack and a lighter before fiddling with the dials on his radio until the distinct cords of _chippin’ in_ could be heard through the small speakers.

“You know, Tony,” V pulled out a cigarette and lit it, handing the pack back to him, “you keep treatin’ a girl this good, I might fall in love with you.”

“A man can dream, V,” Tony pat her shoulder and headed back into the food truck to serve his next customer.

V hung around, finishing her cigarette as the song came to a close before she gave a wave to Tony and headed back to the car.

“V?”

“Yeah, Johnny?” V pulled into traffic and turned toward her apartment.

“Thanks, for this.”

“No problem,” V glanced at him and found him without his sunglasses watching as the buildings of Night City passed them, “you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You know,” V kept her eyes on the road, “you get an urge, wanna go somewhere, you just got to ask. I think you can see in my mind a lot clearer than I can see in yours. I know I’m sort of your prison right now, but I don’t want you to feel trapped.”

“Hangin’ out with you, trapped or not, has been the best thing to happen to me in fifty years.”

“You know, minus the dyin’ part, I’m sort of inclined to agree with you.”

“Shit,” Johnny managed a smile, “we like…chooms or somethin’ now?”

“Might be.”

***

V walked into her apartment and tossed her jacket off with a groan, it only took a second for the unmistakable twinge at the base of her neck to warn her.

“Fuck,” V stumbled into the bathroom as her vision started to blur and nausea hit her.

“Wait,” Johnny appeared beside her, “siddown, I want to try something.”

V dropped down heavily, leaning her head against the tiled wall.

Johnny sat next to her, mirroring her pose and matching her breathing.

“What are you doing?”

“Just, shit work with me here, V,” Johnny closed his eyes and V did the same.

And it faded.

The nausea, the dizziness, disappeared, almost twice as fast as it usually did. V let out a relieved sigh.

“I wondered if that would work.”

“What did you do?” V turned to face Johnny.

“Had a theory, maybe the malfunctions only happen when we get too out of sync with one another. Maybe it fucks with your brain because it doesn’t know if you should be six foot and sexy, or you.”

V laughed, “I might be no Johnny Silverhand, but I think I’m alright.”

“You’re fine,” Johnny went to pat her leg and found his hand passed right through, “at least we know now if we match up, it doesn’t last as long.”

“Thanks, Johnny,” V stayed sitting on the ground for another few minutes, ensuring the worst of the symptoms had passed before she used the counter to pull herself to standing.

“Yeah, well. Thanks for the burger.”

“You know you don’t owe me for shit like that, right? We’re friends.”

“Yeah, doesn’t mean that I should just sit back when you’re puking blood, either. Would make me a pretty shitty friend.”

“Maybe,” V agreed, “but I think you’re alright.”

***

It was rare for Johnny to be there when she first woke up, he usually hung back and didn’t show up until something interesting happened or he needed to complain about something, so when she opened her eyes that morning, she was surprised to see Johnny sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Hey,” V winced at her morning voice, “you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You usually ignore me in the morning,” V stretched, sitting up beside him, “I don’t normally see you until at least lunch.”

“If I’m bugging you…”

“No,” V reached out and caught his hand, and Johnny stared at her grip in shock, “you’re fine, seriously, I just wondered what brought it on.”

“What the fuck,” Johnny twisted his arm in her grip, not trying to break free, just testing the strength of it, “why can you touch me, but I can’t touch you?”

“Probably because you’re in my brain, using my senses. I feel like I should be able to touch you, so I can. You don’t actually have a body to touch with, which is why you can’t eat. I touched you in the construct, too. Remember? Tapped you on the shoulder.”

“Weird,” Johnny kept his eyes on her hand, “first time someone has been able to touch me since I’ve been in cyberspace.”

“Want a hug or something?”

V had expected him to say no, pull his hand away, swear at her.

She _hadn’t_ expected him to sag slightly and go quiet.

“Come here,” V tugged him sideways, wrapping her arm over his shoulder, “we’re going to figure it out, choom. You’ll be able to touch whoever you want.”

“Hope so. This is the longest I’ve gone without getting my dick wet.”

“Well, I ain’t helping you with that. I’ve got limits.”

“You know I can see your thoughts, right? I know you think I’m hot.”

“Johnny, the world thinks you’re hot. Doesn’t mean they all want to fuck you,” V pressed a kiss to his temple and stood, “now, why were you really here at 9 in the morning?”

“You said I could ask if I wanted something, I had a suggestion for breakfast.”

“Preem, well I need to shower first,” V walked toward the bathroom, “so you make a list of all the things that you want to eat, and I’ll see if we can make it work.”

***

“Viky,” V skipped down the stairs, “got anyone in the chair?”

“Not right now,” Vik glanced up from the screen, “why?”

“Come on,” V nodded toward the door, “we’re going to breakfast and we’re going to talk about science shit.”

“Science shit,” Vik undid the brace on his arm, “my favorite.”

“Hope you like waffles, too. We’re going to a place on the freeway, my treat.”

“I always like free food.”

“You wanna drive my car? Finally got it idling right.”

“The Quadra?”

“Mmhmm, worked on it yesterday.”

“You sold me, let’s delta.”

***

“So, what science shit,” Vik looked at V over his cup of coffee.

“Johnny,” V flipped through the menu, “you know I could see his memories. Now I can talk to him, and touch him.”

“Touch him?”

“Mmhmm. He can’t touch me though, he goes right through. When I have a relic malfunction he can control my body though, if things get really bad or if he feels like smashing my face against a window.”

“I did that _once_ ,” Johnny looked at the menu, “ _once_.”

“That’s quite something,” Vik rubbed his chin as he considered the information, “does that bother you?”

“No, well, yes,” V shrugged, “none of this is ideal, but I like Johnny, seems nice enough.”

“Going to try and be as nice as possible when I ask this, V, but keep in mind we’re on weird ground.”

“Hit me.”

“Sure you’re not imagining it?”

“I don’t think I am, he _sounds_ like the Johnny Silverhand I’ve heard about, and he has insight into his past life. I suppose I could be though, maybe his memories are just that entwined with mine. Any way you could figure it out?”

“This shit barely makes sense to me as it is.”

“Me either.”

“Chicken and waffles,” Johnny pointed at the menu.

“There was one other thing,” V glanced up at Vik, “these malfunctions. They’re really bad, right? I throw up blood, lose my vision, the whole thing. Yesterday I had one just as I got home, Johnny sat next to me on the floor, mirrored my breathing and my position. It stopped way faster. He thought maybe if we, as two separate people, get out of sync…”

“Well,” Vik tapped his finger on the table, “that does lend to your theory that you two are existing together, that you’re talking to him. If it helps, that’s good news.”

“Dying’s weird, Vik,” V watched the cars as they drove by, “should be scared, right? Something about having Johnny along for the ride, it makes it easier.”

“There’s no right way to die, V. Some people want to live to a hundred and go in their sleep, some want to die at twenty and leave behind a pretty corpse. Neither of them are _wrong_. If working with Johnny, going around NC to figure this shit out is making you happy, hell even if you die at least you went out the way you wanted.”

“Smart man,” Johnny commented from beside her, “wise words.”

“Guess you’re right. Wish I had Jackie here, he’d know what to do.”

“Sounds like Johnny has plenty of ideas,” Vik pointed out, “and you’ve got me, for what it’s worth.”

“Ah buddy,” V pat Vik’s hand, “it’s worth a lot.”

“Can I take your order?”

“I’ll have the combo three,” Vik passed back the menu, “V?”

“Chicken and waffles, please.”

“Chicken and waffles?” Vik arched an eyebrow, “kid I’ve known you nearly two years, never seen you go for that sort of shit.”

“I’m not sure that I’ll go for it now,” V watched the waitress walk away, “Johnny mentioned missing a burger yesterday, so we went to his favorite burger joint. He asked for those just now, so I figured why not? He’s stuck in a prison, Vik. I don’t want him unhappy while he’s here. As I mentioned before, if we get out of sync, I get sick.”

“Might be somethin’ to that, V. Keep him happy, it might slow down the damage to your brain.”

“You think?”

“No idea, but it’s worth a shot.”

***

“Thanks for breakfast, kiddo. I should be gettin’ back.”

“No problem, want to take my ride, or are you going to call your own?”

“I’ll call mine,” Vik gave V a parting hug, “any new symptoms, drop by okay?”

“Promise.”

“You should go say hi to Mama Welles, too. She’s been missing you. I saw the Padre last night.”

“Maybe I’ll go by the Coyote,” V leaned against the hood of her car, “just always seems like my fault when I see his shrine.”

“It wasn’t your fault, V. Dexter DeShawn set you up for an impossible job.”

“I know, but I should have put my foot down, told Jackie no.”

“He would have just done it himself.”

“Maybe he would still be here, Johnny would have rebooted him.”

“That’s a lot of maybes, V. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Go see Mama Welles, she doesn’t blame you, and you’re the closest thing she has to a kid left.”

“Alright, _dad_ ,” V opened the door of her car, “I’m going.”

“Tell her I say hi.”

“Will do.”

V pulled into traffic, turning toward Heywood.

“Thanks for breakfast.”

“Weird fuckin’ combo,” V commented mildly as she drove, “but it wasn’t bad.”

“Course it wasn’t fuckin’ bad.”

V tried for a laugh as she drove, chewing on her thumbnail as the nerves started to bubble up in her chest as they got closer to the Coyote.

“Who’s Jackie?”

“Thought you could see my memories?”

“You must repress those.”

“He was my best choom, who helped me bust you out of Konpeki Plaza. He uh,” V cleared her throat to clear the tears that threatened to take her, “got shot in the gut as we tried to escape. Died before I could get him to a Ripper.”

“Sorry to hear that, V.”

“Thanks.”

“Mama Welles?”

“His mom. She took me in when I moved here. I lived on her couch for six months.”

“Misty?”

“His girl,” V turned into a nearby parking lot, “for about a year before he died. They grew up together.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” V pulled down the mirror and checked her makeup, “he was the only piece of home I had in NC. I’m sort of lost without him.”

“You’ve got Vik, Misty,” Johnny suggested, “Rogue if you keep bugging her enough….me, too.”

“Yeah?” V smiled as she noticed Johnny squirming in his seat, “not good at feelings, eh, Johnny?”

“No,” Johnny tapped his chest, just under his dog tags, “and I can feel all your hurt like it’s mine.”

“Sorry,” V got out of the car, “might not get better for a bit. It’s hard coming back here.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll stick by if you want.”

“If you don’t mind, sure,” V stopped just outside the door, “thanks, Johnny.”

“I get to pick dinner.”

“Deal.”

***

“That is the stupidest haircut I’ve ever seen.”

“I used to tell him that, too,” V picked up the picture of Jackie and traced the outline of his jaw, “he was a monster of a man, had to turn sideways to walk through doors. Fuck I miss him.”

“V.”

V set the picture down, turning to face Mama Welles, “hey.”

“ _Mija,”_ Mama Welles pulled V into her arms, “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Come,” Mama Welles nodded toward a table and chairs nearby, “let’s catch up.”

***

“If it’s not bad enough I’ve lost my boys,” Mama Welles dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, “you mean I will lose you, too?”

“I don’t know,” V answered honestly, “I’m trying.”

“Promise me you’ll do your best, V, please.”

“I promise.”

“That’s the sort of pressure only a mother could give,” Johnny appeared close beside her, almost knocking into her.

“What are you doing today?”

“Well,” V checked her phone, “need to make some eddys, need to pay for some information from a Fixer named Rogue, doesn’t come cheap. Then I need to meet up with an ex-Arasaka guy, he might be willin’ to help.”

“Can you trust them?”

“What, Rogue and Takemura?” V laughed, “person I trusted most in the world died next to me. Other than Johnny I don’t think I can trust anyone involved in this shit.”

“Silverhand?”

“Yeah,” V waved to the biochip, “think of the body as a car, right? Johnny’s in here. Two for one deal, I’m just the driver.”

“You sure he has your best interest at heart?”

“Nope,” V leaned back in her seat, “he’s got _his_ best interest at heart. Only advantage I’ve got is that we have the same heart right now.”

“That’s not entirely true, V.”

“We can talk about it in the car,” V shot back at Johnny before turning to Mama Welles, “I need to delta, Vik says hi.”

“Viktor,” Mama Welles rolled her eyes affectionately, “you’re not the only one avoiding the Coyote.”

“He saw that Padre last night,” V pushed her chair in, “Vik, I think he feels responsible too. He was like our dad in Watson. He knew we had signed up with DeShawn. Think he wishes he had stopped us.”

“I’d like to get my hands on this _DeShawn_.”

“I can tell you where his body is,” V shrugged, “Takemura zeroed him. He’s in a dump.”

“Where he belongs, _Mija_. Don’t be a stranger.”

“I’ll see you soon, Mama.”


	2. Chapter 2

“So what the fuck was that about?”

“What do you mean?” V pulled into traffic and headed toward Japan Town.

“I don’t have your best interest at heart?”

“Do you?” V glanced at Johnny, who surprisingly looked decently offended, “you’ve told me, more than once, that you’re going to use me however you need to. You broke my nose against a window, tried to pull the chip, and almost zeroed us both.”

“I thought we had moved past that.”

“We have, in as much as you don’t try and kill me daily, but I’m still not clear on if you’re trying to save me or you.”

Johnny frowned, “you said we were chooms.”

“Hey, I like _you_ just fine. I’ve never tried to kill you, either. Vik gave me pills at the start of this, I could keep you buried way deep down inside if I wanted to.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Because…” V had to consider it, “I’d rather work with you than against you, I guess.”

“Why?”

“Why not?” V shrugged, “want me to take them? You want to be offline? I could just be another storage case for your chip.”

“No,” Johnny was quick to cut in, “no I don’t want that. I want you to trust me, though.”

“That’s earned, sweetheart. Give it time.”

“Okay…” Johnny paused, “hey, V?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry for smashing your face into the window.”

That took her by surprise, “no problem.”

“I was spooked, is all. Didn’t realize I was in your body at the time, thought that they had moved me to a different prison or something.”

“That’s fair, I guess you weren’t really aware of the passage of time.”

“Nope.”

“Now that awkward conversation is out of the way,” V found the elevators Takemura had been talking about and parked just outside, “ready to go hang with Arasaka?”

“Let’s do it.”

***

“So, what’s for dinner?”

“Hm?”

“You said you wanted to pick dinner, what are we having?”

“Oh,” Johnny pulled out a cigarette and leaned against the car, “what do you like?”

“I’m not fussy, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. You pick.”

“Why don’t we try that noodle place that used to be the Rainbow?”

“Sure, it’s not far, we can walk. Maybe we should call Takemura, bring him along.”

“Nah, keep it the two of us.”

V shrugged, leading the way down the stairs and past the guitarist who was always playing Samurai, sending him a tip.

“Hey, thanks,” he paused his strumming for a minute, “like your shirt.”

V glanced down, laughing as she saw Samurai’s logo, “thanks. It was my dad’s.”

“Your dad had good taste.”

“Thanks, see you,” V continued on the path, waving to Karim as she headed down the steps.

“Not you again,” the owner rolled his eyes.

“Not here to talk about Silverhand this time, looking to eat.”

“Menu’s up there.”

“I don’t know what half this shit is,” Johnny spoke from beside her.

“Me either,” V turned back to the owner, “what do you suggest?”

“Number three is most popular.”

“Do it up,” V paid him with a wave, leaning against the counter as he started cutting up some soy meat.

“Sorry, for snapping at you. We must get asked once a week about Samurai, Silverhand, the “ _good old days”_. It gets annoying, we just want to sell noodles.”

“No worries, you should put a sign up, direct them to Karim.”

“It brings in a lot of foot traffic though, for the people who think that Johnny might still be alive.”

“People think I’m still alive?” Johnny leaned next to her, “why aren’t they looking for me?”

“Don’t know much about Silverhand myself,” the owner continued, “seemed to make waves.”

“Mmhmm,” V agreed, “hero of his time.”

“Or terrorist.”

“Subjective,” V commented mildly, “don’t know a single person in NC that wouldn’t like to take Arasaka down a peg.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“Johnny, look,” V turned her attention to a pair of teenagers standing outside the restaurant, both wearing aviators and cheap leather jackets, taking a picture together.

“No shit,” Johnny phased just outside the door, standing on the steps and watched the interaction.

“Told you,” the owner set a bowl of noodles in front of her, “never stops.”

“Maybe you should rebrand, Samurai noodles, turn it into profit.”

“Thanks for the tip,” the owner rolled his eyes, “see you.”

“Later,” V grabbed the bowl and headed toward an empty table.

“What the fuck is that?” Johnny sat beside her and looked in the bowl.

“No clue,” V grabbed a pair of chopsticks, “let’s find out.”

***

Johnny was mostly quiet on the way home, looking out the window as they drove back.

“What’s buggin’ you?”

“Nothin’.”

“I can tell you’re lying,” V pulled into the parking space but didn’t get out of the car, “it’s not just my hurt that’s shared.”

“Don’t want to talk about.”

“Alright,” V opened the door, “change your mind, you let me know, okay?”

Johnny followed after her, cigarette in his mouth as they rode the elevator up. V noticed that he was standing closer than normal, keeping within arms-reach of her.

“Want me to have a real one?”

“Real what?”

“Cigarette.”

“Thought you didn’t smoke.”

“I don’t,” V pulled out Evelyn’s case, pulling out a smoke lighting it with a deep inhale, “not going to live long enough I’m all worried about the health effects anyway.”

Johnny’s shoulders relaxed a bit, “thanks.”

“We’re a team,” V made sure she was alone before she pat him on the shoulder, “let’s figure it out.”

***

V was almost asleep before Johnny spoke again.

“Do you think they believe I’m alive, out there somewhere?”

“I think some of them do,” V kept her eyes closed as she answered him, “I think Rogue does, Nix maybe.”

“Then why didn’t they try and help?”

 _Oh_ , V opened her eyes and found Johnny sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Well,” V sat beside him, bumping her shoulder against his, “that’s complicated. I don’t know Rogue, but her reputation is that she only helps for the eddys.”

“I thought I meant more to her than that.”

“You probably did, once. It’s been a long time, Johnny. Arasaka is a force of nature. It takes a lot of balls to do what you did. Doubt Rogue thought she could get in and save you by herself.”

“Rogue has teams, _teams_. She could have done it if she wanted to.”

The statement hung in the air and V struggled with what to say.

“V,” Johnny glanced at her, “if I was your choom, and you knew Arasaka had me…would you come?”

“Johnny,” V wrapped her arm around his shoulders, “I _am_ your choom, and I know Arasaka has you, and I’m fighting every day to get you out.”

Johnny went to pat her leg, his hand passing through in a bright shower of pixels. V held her hand out, taking Johnny’s and squeezing it.

“It pisses me off that you can touch me, and I can’t touch you.”

“I know,” V kissed his temple, the same way that she used to with Jackie, “we’ll figure it out. I’ve got your back, okay?”

“V?”

“Yeah?”

“If I had to end up stuck in the head of anyone in NC. I’m glad it’s you.”

“Me too.”

***

Johnny was mostly quiet the next day, but stuck close, always hovering just over her shoulder. V carried on about her day like he wasn’t there, getting through a few jobs for Regina and getting ready to head home with a pocket full of eddys.

“Can I make a request?”

“Hm?”

“For dinner, you haven’t eaten all day. Can I make a request?”

“Sure,” V loaded her guns into the trunk of her car, “what do you feel like, choom?”

“Cheesesteak.”

“Oh man, I haven’t had one of those for years,” V hummed under her breath, “don’t know anyone in NC that makes them, we could go out to the Badlands if you want? I know a shitty diner out there.”

“Nah, don’t bother. Not worth driving an hour just for a sandwich.”

V got in the car, turning onto the highway, making a left when she should have made a right if she was headed back home.

“Where you takin’ me?”

“Badlands.”

“V, it’s late.”

“Sure is.”

“Why the fuck would you go out there this late?”

“Cause you want a sandwich, and you’ve been sad all day because your friends suck.”

“Haven’t been sad,” Johnny looked out the window.

“We share emotions, dipshit.”

“Fuck you, V.”

“Fuck you, too.”

***

“My eyes deceive me, I know that ain’t V from the Bakkers clan.”

“Uh, no,” V smiled awkwardly as a woman immediately began fussing over her as she walked into the restaurant, “Bakkers are gone now. Just V. Nice to see you, Anne.”

“V, I’ve been worried about you,” Anne hauled her over to an empty table, “haven’t seen any of the clan in ages.”

“They got…bought out.”

Johnny materialized beside her, watching the conversation with interest, “family problems, who would have thought?”

“They cut you off?”

“No,” V shook her head, “I left. I wasn’t about to join up with Snake Nation.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear that,” Anne poured V some water from a pitcher that looked older than Johnny, “they haven’t been in touch?”

“Last time I called them they told me to lose their number, so I did.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”

“It’s okay,” V smiled at Anne, “but I got to thinkin’, you know, about home. Brought me back to here, and you.”

“Aw,” Anne looked genuinely touched, “are you hungry?”

“I am,” V tapped the table, “you don’t still do the cheesesteak do you? I was dreamin’ about it last night.”

“For you, I will,” Anne pat V on the head, “give me a minute and I’ll be right back.”

V sighed as Anne walked away, her fingers tracing the leather of her jacket where the Bakkers patch had been.

“Didn’t need to pick at old wounds for a meal, V.”

“Probably not,” V agreed, “but no point in being miserable alone, right? I know what you’re going through. I had a family of friends, once. People I thought I could trust. They haven’t come runnin’ for me, either.”

“Two outcasts with no one who loves them,” Johnny tapped his fingers on the table, “sounds like the start to a bad movie.”

***

“Holy shit,” Johnny sat up as Anne walked back over, “would you look at the size of that?”

“There you go, honey, you let me know if you need anything else.”

“A beer would be great if you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing, you just give me a second.”

“Fuck, I wish I wasn’t dead right now,” Johnny admired the plate of food in front of her, “that looks amazing.”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

“Tell me you can eat it all.”

“Guess we’ll see.”

***

“God damn,” Johnny practically crawled into the car, leaning back against the seat, “can’t believe you managed to do that.”

“Me either,” V lit a cigarette, rolling down the windows of the car as she pulled out of the parking lot, “got one more place to visit.”

“Hell, I don’t have anywhere to be.”

V drove in silence for a while, and Johnny started to fidget beside her.

“What’s eatin’ you?”

“Feel like we should be talkin’ or something,” Johnny glanced at her, “seems strange to sit in silence.”

“You never had someone you could just be quiet with?”

“What do you mean?”

“Never had someone you could just sit with, not speak, just enjoy their company?”

“No.”

“Must have been exhausting, bud.”

“What do you mean just sit in silence though.”

“Just…not talk. Be happy that you’re together without feeling like you need to fill the space with meaningless chatter to make yourself feel like you’re important to each other.”

“No, never had anything like that.”

“Not even with Alt?”

Johnny winced, a full body shake, “no.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to hit a nerve there.”

“It’s fine.”

“We’ll be there soon anyway, and you can bombard me with questions.”

“Where are we goin’ anyway?”

“Bakkers’ camp.”

***

V pulled over onto the dirt, slowing as she approached an empty flat of land.

“Where is it?”

“Moved, I guess,” V stepped out of the car, looking across the ground, “recent, too, judging by the tracks. Few days ago.”

V walked over to the middle of the flat, kicking at the soil and looking up at the sky. She liked it out here, it was more home than NC would ever be.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled out another cigarette and lit it.

“Careful, V, you’re gonna end up addicted.”

“What a story,” V kicked at the soil again, “ _who got you hooked on smokes, V_?”

V sat, dropping back in the sand to watch the stars, Johnny stood over her for a minute, blocking her view, before he sat beside her.

“Miss them?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

“S’okay,” V dropped her head on his shoulder, “got you, at least.”

“Not a great prize, V.”

“For me to decide.”

“If you say so.”

V sat in silence for a while, listening to what was left of the crickets, coyotes, and bugs, around the camp.

“You might have been right, V.”

“About?”

“Something to be said about havin’ someone you can sit in silence with.”

“Yeah,” V stood, brushing the dust from her pants, “something to be said about not sleepin’ in the rain, too. Come on, let’s head home.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Fuck,” V dragged herself into her apartment, stumbling into the bathroom.

“You okay?”

“That was a bad one,” V glanced in the mirror and winced, there was still blood on her chin from the malfunction.

“Think that was my bad, I got heated talkin’ about Arasaka. Shouldn’t have taken it so far, it took us out of sync.”

“S’okay,” V turned on the water, washing her face. She was exhausted, and part of her wished she had stayed at the motel, but Takemura had taken her room, who knows what he was doing with Hellman now.

“You look rough, V. Should take it easy.”

“Yeah, maybe,” V washed her makeup from her face, the blood, “I’m going to have a shower, you can stick around and chat if you want, but I’m going to be naked.”

“You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.”

“Don’t doubt it,” V tugged her shirt over her head, tossing it in the corner.

“Impressive ink.”

“Thanks,” V looked down at the black-work across her chest, “was going to do my legs, too, but I ran out of time.”

“You still have time,” Johnny kept his eyes on the far wall, avoiding looking at V as she undressed any further.

“When the relic malfunctions like that it sure doesn’t feel like it. For the record though, I agree with you.”

“Bout what?”

“Arasaka. Mikoshi,” V turned on the water, “all of it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh, think you’re the first person I ever met that did. Most of them just humored me.”

“Nah, I get it. Can’t imagine what it was like for you, being locked up like that.”

“Well,” Johnny cleared his throat, “it’s better now.”

***

V woke up tired and sore, groaning as she rolled over.

“Still feelin’ bad?”

“Yeah,” V rubbed her face, pulling her hair out of the braid she had slept in, “think I probably will for the day. I was blacking out on the way down the stairs of the motel.”

“Fuck, V. Think we should see Vik?”

“What’s he going to say? I’m dying, we know that.”

Johnny reached for her, impulsively, V was sure. The action itself wasn’t strange, the fact that she could feel it _was_.

V and Johnny looked at his hand on her shoulder with an equal measure of shock, the silence hanging in the room.

“Am I imagining things…”

“No,” V breathed, “I can feel it.”

“Shit, is that a good sign or a bad sign?”

“The malfunction, it must have been.”

“What do you mean?”

“My body is more _your_ body each day. Malfunctions must speed it up.”

V watched Johnny’s hand drift from her shoulder, down her arm, until he took her hand in his and squeezed her fingers.

“Weird.”

“Come here,” V tugged him, pulling him off balance and into her arms as she hugged him, “hey, choom.”

Johnny froze for a minute before returning the hug awkwardly, “hey.”

“Man,” V pulled back, “we’ve been traveling together for weeks now, it’s nice to finally get to do that.”

“Been fifty years since I touched anyone, feels weird.”

“You’re telling me,” V took his dog tags between her fingers, “I can feel the details of the letters. Before it was just like…energy? Not sure how to explain it. I could feel you, where you were, but you feel solid now.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“Humor me,” V brushed her fingers through his hair, “huh.”

“What?”

“Couldn’t tell if it was greasy or soft.”

“And?”

“Soft,” V pulled her hand away, “hey, you can feel whatever happens to me, right?”

“Mostly.”

“Perfect,” V pat his leg and started toward her closet, “self-care day.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see.”

***

“Shit, V,” Johnny groaned from beside her, “this is why people get their nails done?”

V smiled, “people like the look of it, but yeah, the hand massage is pretty good too.”

“God,” Johnny lit a cigarette, “what’s next?”

“Lunch, then maybe we’ll see if we can find a massage parlor.”

“What, like a rub and tug?”

“No, like a _massage_.”

“You’re the boss.”

***

They had settled on Clouds, Tom opening an appointment for her.

“Damn,” V groaned as Tom worked on a deep knot under her shoulder blade, “marry me? Come be my house husband?”

Tom laughed, “that’s the third proposal today.”

“I bet,” V glanced at Johnny who had stretched out on the floor under the massage table, his eyes closed and content, “enjoying yourself?”

“Best day I’ve had in fifty years.”

“What did you want to do for dinner?”

“Right now, I don’t even fucking care.”

“So, were you looking for the _full package_?” Tom cut into her conversation with Johnny.

Johnny’s eyes flew open as V’s body reacted to the words, a sudden throb between her legs.

“Not today,” V shot Johnny a reassuring look, “short on time.”

“You’d be surprised how quickly I could…”

“I appreciate it, honestly, but I just needed a bit of TLC. I had a rough job yesterday; I’ve been feeling a little beaten up. Next time.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

***

“Fuck, V, I didn’t even know you were into Tom.”

“I’m not,” V laughed, “I just haven’t been laid since…man I don’t even remember.”

“You wanted him though, I felt it.”

“I wanted to get off, not Tom specifically,” V slid into the seat of her car, “as I said, it’s been a while.”

“Burger,” Johnny pat her on the leg, “day of getting pretty and massaged? Calls for a burger.”

“Alright,” V pulled into traffic, “let’s go see Tony.”

***

“Who was the last person?”

“Hm?” V glanced up mid-bite.

“You fucked.”

“Vik.”

“What, the Ripper?”

“Mmhmm, one night stand.”

“Was he good?”

“Fuck yeah, but we like each other, so we decided to stay friends. How about you?”

“That mattered? Alt.”

“Ah,” V nodded, “your girl, right?”

“Alt wasn’t anyone’s girl, not really. Least of all mine.”

“You loved her, though.”

“Yeah, guess I did. She didn’t seem to give two shits about me, though. I think that’s why I was so crazy about her, she was the first girl I couldn’t have.”

“Wrote Never Fade Away about her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I loved that song growing up,” V finished the burger and took a drink of her beer, “always wanted to find a guy that loved me like that, described me that way.”

“You’ve got time.”

“No I don’t,” V sighed, reaching in her jacket for Evelyn’s cigarette case, “it’s just going to be one of those things I don’t get to have. It’s okay.”

“Real shame, you know. You’re a nice enough chick, seems tragic you’re not going to get to experience it.”

V cleared her throat against the mix of anxiety and sadness that washed over her as she lit the cigarette, “worst part is that no one is even going to remember me, you know? Jackie’s gone, my clan is gone. I won’t even be a footnote in NC history, not like you.”

“For what it’s worth, if I make it and you don’t…I won’t forget you.”

“Thanks, Johnny. Means a lot.”

***

V stopped on the way home, grabbing a bottle of cheap wine. Johnny had made fun of her, but he seemed happy to enjoy the slight buzz she had picked up drinking it.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“What happened to your arm?”

“Lost it in the war,” Johnny commented mildly, “why?”

“I like the cybernetic you got, I’ve always been a bit of a tech nerd.”

“Original one wasn’t as good, but this one is okay.”

“Did you lose it right up to the shoulder, or was that to get the cybernetic to fit?”

“Just above the elbow.”

“Can you feel those fingers?”

“Sort of,” Johnny tapped the table, “not temperature, but pressure.”

“Amazing, considering how old the tech is,” V sipped her wine, “it suits you.”

“Thanks.”

“Gotta ask though, why the spikes on the elbow? Didn’t they get in the way of _everything_?”

Johnny chuckled, “yeah, they did. They can fold down, but I guess I’m stuck how I was when I died, so they’re out.”

“If people grab you from behind?” V guessed, “you can get them in the gut?”

“That’s right.”

“Neat.”

***

“Easy,” Johnny rolled his eyes as V staggered to the bed, “lightweight.”

“Hopin’ I’ll sleep right through tomorrow.”

“Why what’s tomorrow?”

“Nothin’ important.”

“V…”

“What?”

“What’s tomorrow?”

“Wednesday, I think.”

“Thought we were past this lyin’ to each other thing.”

“Don’t worry about it, Johnny. Nothing you can do anyway,” V yawned, “night.”

“Night, V.”

***

V’s phone started ringing early the next morning, rousing her from sleep with an angry groan.

“You going to pick it up?”

“No,” V stuffed the phone under the pillow next to her.

“Uh, why not? Could be work.”

“It’s not.”

“How do you know?”

“Just do,” V rolled over.

The phone rang again, and again, and again until her neighbors started pounding on the wall beside her bed.

“Fuck, _fine_ ,” V picked up the phone on the next ring, “V here.”

“Hey, V,” Vik’s voice carried, “happy birthday, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Vik,” V sat up with a wince, her head protesting the cheap wine from the night before.

“Got anything special planned? Going to go out with friends?”

“What friends?” V sighed, “sorry, Vik. Just don’t feel up to it without Jackie around.”

“I’ll go out with you,” Vik offered, “Coyote?”

“I appreciate it, but I think I’m just going to keep a low profile today.”

“How are you feeling? Johnny been treating you okay?”

“You know I can’t talk about him candidly, right? He can hear everything you’re saying.”

“So…”

V decided to answer honestly, “we can touch each other now.”

“It’s progressing.”

“Happy birthday to me, right?”

“Shit, sorry, V. I didn’t mean to-“

“I know, it’s okay,” V soothed, “just not a great birthday is all. Johnny’s fine. He’s a nice guy, treats me as good as he can.”

“You should swing by,” Vik suggested, “you shouldn’t spend your birthday alone.”

“I’ll think about it. Thanks, Vik.”

“Talk to you later.”

V winced as the phone immediately rang again, picking up the call, “Hey, Mama.”

“V,” Mama Welles’ said warmly, “happy birthday, _Mija._ ”

“Thanks.”

“You coming for dinner? Pepe and I would like to see you.”

“I don’t know,” V stood, pacing the room, “don’t feel much like celebrating without Jackie.”

***

It only took V being awake for half an hour for Johnny to understand why she had wanted to sleep the day away. He listened to V repeat the same speech over and over again that she didn’t want to celebrate, not without Jackie.

It must have felt like when he had to rehash what had happened with Alt.

When lunch hit, V turned her phone on silent and buried her face in her hands, taking a deep steadying breath.

“Sorry,” Johnny pat V on the back, “you okay?”

“I want to scream,” V responded, “I want to cry. I want my fuckin’ friend back. Mostly, I just want this day to be over with.”

“Why don’t you go to the Coyote? Meet up with your chooms?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Don’t spend the day pouting, V. You only get one birthday a year.”

“Who cares?” V stood, “might as well spend the day working, come on, let’s go.”

***

Johnny had spent most of the day thinking about his plan before he put it into action. Waiting until V was close enough to home that he wasn’t super worried about her.

Still, pushing the malfunction was hard. They were more in sync now than ever.

“ _Fuck_ ,” V groaned as she sat on her couch when she had managed to get them back home about fifteen minutes later, “what brought that one on?”

“Not sure, we seemed fine,” Johnny sat next to her, “you okay?”

“Bad headache, but yeah, fine.”

V jumped when there was a knock at the door.

“Who’s that?”

“Not sure,” V grabbed her gun, walking to the door, opening it slowly.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Vik?” V opened the door all the way, “what brought you here?”

“Uh, Johnny. Can I come in?”

“Sure,” V stepped aside, “what do you mean, Johnny?”

“He called me, using your body. Told me that you weren’t having a great birthday and he was worried about you. Asked me to come over, but requested a stop first.”

“A…stop…”

Vik held up a small takeout container, “he told me it wasn’t a birthday without cake.”

“Wait, I don’t remember any of this.”

“Weird,” Johnny commented from the window, “I do.”

“Hang on,” V turned to face him, “did you _force a malfunction_ to call Vik?”

“Might’ve.”

“To bring me a birthday cake.”

“Maybe.”

“Johnny,” V sighed, “why?”

“First time in a long time I’ve seen you sad,” Johnny shrugged, “just wanted to help.”

“V?”

“Sorry, Vik,” V turned her attention back to him, “having a conversation with Johnny. I’ve learned not to talk out loud.”

“It was strange, I’ll give you that. It did confirm that Johnny is speaking to you,” Vik set the small box on the table, “and I have to say, I agree with him. No one should spend their birthday alone. Considering I’m here, mind if I stick around?”

“Sure,” V grabbed two beers from her fridge, “why not.”

***

Johnny had hung around while Vik was there, but had mostly observed rather than participating. Vik had left after a few hours, leaving V with a warm hug.

“So,” V walked back into the apartment, “you forced a malfunction.”

“I won’t do it unless I really need to,” Johnny promised, “you just seemed so…not V. No one should be depressed on their birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“What?”

“Thank you,” V pulled him in to a hug, “I mean, don’t make me puke blood again, but thanks for taking care of me.”

“You’re welcome,” Johnny pat her back, “now, get some rest. We need to work on our plan to fuck Arasaka.”

“Okay,” V turned off the lights in the apartment, brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed, when she walked out of the bathroom Johnny was waiting for her, standing next to the bed.

V stretched out on the bed, turning to face Johnny who watched her with a schooled expression of calm.

“What’s on your mind?”

“How unfair this is for you,” Johnny sat next to her, “you just got roped into a job, and now it's cost you nearly everything. Just when I think Arasaka can’t get any worse, they prove me wrong.”

“Well, maybe.”

“But?” Johnny prompted.

“I’m glad I’ve had a chance to get to know you,” V held out her hand, waiting for Johnny to take it, “come, lay down with me.”

Johnny stretched out beside her, close enough he could wrap his arm over her back and hold her close, “I know I’m no Jackie-“

“No,” V tucked her face into his neck, breathing in a contented sigh, “but you’re pretty great.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some tension in this chapter, and some fighting. I always thought if V didn't faint outside of the church in Pacifica that the conversation would have been a lot more hostile. 
> 
> I might also have been jealous of Alt for romancing Johnny. Fuck you, Alt.

“You’re happier out here.”

V glanced up from the fire and found Johnny watching her, “yeah. Of course.”

“Why don’t you join up with them?”

“Because the Aldecaldos are in a period of transition, one that wouldn’t be helped by a dying member.”

“But you’d be happier here.”

“I’d be happier getting railed by Tom in Clouds, too, but I’m not moving there.”

Johnny laughed, “fair.”

“Why does it matter?”

“Seems to me you spend a lot of time worrying about makin’ me happy. I wanted to know what would help you.”

“You make me happy,” V shrugged, “my bike. Mama Welles cooking in the kitchen as Jackie and I sang together. Vik and his weird accent that isn’t quite NC and not quite anything else. Sunsets, sunrises. Happiness is everywhere, Johnny, not just in destruction.”

“V?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“You make me happy, too.”

“Glad to hear it, choom.”

***

“Shit, would you look at that.”

“What’s up?” V glanced over her shoulder at what Johnny was pointing at, “the guitar?”

“Yeah, looks just like mine.”

V grabbed her food to go, walking over to the vendor with the guitar.

“Can I help you?”

“What can you tell me about the ax?”

“Johnny Silverhand replica,” the girl pulled the guitar down, setting it on the counter in front of V, “one of a hundred made after the attack on Arasaka Tower. They discontinued them after.”

“Can I touch it?”

“Sure, just be careful.”

V ran her hands over the wood, sliding her fingers over the frets and the strings.

“Yep, feels like home,” Johnny closed his eyes as she went to the pickups, “man I miss playing.”

“How much?”

“5500 eddies.”

“I’ll take it,” V sent the transfer, “got a gig case for it?”

“Sure,” the vendor seemed so disarmed by the sudden transaction that she hesitated before reaching for a soft case under the counter.

“V, that’s a lot of scratch.”

“Mmhmm, so you better love the _fuck_ out of this guitar when I’m gone. Don’t smash it on stage, set it on fire, bargain with it. It’s yours. Take care of it.”

***

“Wish I could pick it up,” Johnny watched V hang up the guitar in the apartment when they got home.

“You can, I can take one of Misty’s pills if you want.”

“Yeah?”

“Then sure, just promise me you’ll eat at some point.”

“I will.”

“Preem,” V walked into the bathroom grabbing the pills, “see you on the other side.”

***

“Should have got you an amp.”

“V?” Johnny looked around the room, jumping when V appeared beside him, “what the fuck…”

“Welcome to my world,” V kicked her feet up on the coffee table, “strange too, cause you’re in my body but you look like _you_. Meds are wearing off, is all.”

“Been that long already?” Johnny sighed, “been nice, thanks, V.”

“Anytime, just let me know,” V smiled, “if I can trust you with my body, you’re welcome to use it. I needed the break.”

“You’ve been working non-stop since I showed up in your head, it’s not good for you.”

“Other than the army did you ever have a normal payin’ job?”

“Nope,” Johnny shook his head, “degenerate from the start.”

“Put the guitar down,” V nodded to it, “I’m about to take over, and I don’t want to drop it.”

Johnny set the guitar down on the coffee table, and by the time he sat up straight, V was in control.

“Damn.”

V laughed, “sorry. I appreciate you not doubling up on the pills though.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

***

“Alt wasn’t anyone’s girl,” V said softly, “least of all mine.”

Johnny watched her expression but didn’t say anything.

“You gave me shit about lying about my _birthday_ and you lied about an entire relationship,” V lit a cigarette.

“V-“

“I’m not an idiot, Johnny. You don’t write a song like Never Fade Away for a stranger. I just don’t understand why you downplayed the entire thing. Now I get to figure out how to work with your AI girlfriend and save us both. We could have gotten to this point so much faster if you had just been honest. I thought it was some unrequited love or something.”

“ _V_ -“

“Shut up, Johnny,” V walked away from the motel now that she felt steadier on her feet, “’ course you agreed to be wiped after you found out your girlfriend was in cyberspace. I’m just the collateral, right? String me along until I’m practically dead just to find Alt.”

“That’s not what it is, V. I promise.”

V turned back to him, Johnny almost walking into her in the process, “so why lie, hm? _She wasn’t my girl_. You blew up Arasaka Tower _because_ she was your girl. For all your preaching about how they’re taking our lives, our souls, you only really cared about hers.”

“Can we just talk about this?”

“No,” V grabbed one of Vik’s pills, swallowing it without water, “leave me alone.”

***

V swallowed another pill, taking it with a mouthful of beer. It had been four hours and she was still seething.

It was ridiculous, she knew, but she thought that Johnny trusted her, that they were close friends, and now she found out that he had only been sharing _half_ of the memories.

Alt wasn’t some beautiful groupie that he had a thing for, they were in a _serious_ relationship, and he had been zeroed to save her. All that time chasing empty leads, and he sent her past the blackwall just to see Alt again.

It had never been friendship, it had always been for Alt.

V swore when she found her cigarette pack empty, walking over to the vending machine to order another one.

 _Jackie would have been honest_ , V tore open the packet, _he would have told me everything_.

But Jackie was gone, dead, and now she had to make the best of what she could with what she had.

She pulled the dog tags over her head, dropping them on the table. His promise hurt when she knew it was only made to get away from her, back to Alt.

 _Jealous_ , her mind provided, _you’re jealous of a dead woman turned AI._

V finished the beer and threw the bottle against the wall, feeling a vague sense of satisfaction as it shattered.

V sat on the edge of the bed, hiding her face in her hands, and took a deep breath.

_Okay, think._

_Johnny was in love with Alt, Alt loved him right back. They were together._

_Johnny stormed Arasaka Tower to save her, and she died in his arms._

_He went back later and tried to blow it up as revenge._

_Johnny is stuck in your head and still loves Alt._

_Alt is the key to this._

_Johnny lied to you, and all those quiet moments together, the pockets of peace, were just to get back to Alt._

_You are nothing more than a tool to help him in his plan. The friendship is a lie, your feelings are one-sided._

_You’re still dying_.

V looked around the room and spoke to herself, summarizing her thought process, “you’re dying, you’re alone, and the guy you have a thing for was using you to get back to your ex-girlfriend. He’s probably not even your friend, and you let yourself be manipulated. _Again_.”

Fuck.

There was nothing she could do tonight, so in lieu of an immediate plan to resolve the biochip situation, she came up with another one.

V grabbed the bottle of whiskey Vik had brought her as a birthday gift, opening the bottle and taking a long sip.

Getting shit-faced would work, too.

***

V ignored Johnny when she woke up, walking past him and into the bathroom to throw up.

“You shouldn’t take those pills with booze.”

V pretended he wasn’t there, rinsing out her mouth and walking to her closet to get dressed.

“Don’t ignore me, V, please.”

V kept her back to him as she dressed, calling the arch to meet her at the front door.

“Where are we going?”

V forced her mind to stay blank, walking from the apartment and down the stairs, ignoring everyone until she was in the elevator.

“You know, this is childish.”

V got on the bike, peeling away from the curb and splitting traffic as she turned toward the Badlands.

***

“Hey,” Mitch greeted warmly as she parked the bike, “wasn’t expecting to see you today. Did Panam call you?”

“No,” V pat Mitch’s shoulder, “I just had a rough day yesterday, found out that someone I cared about was lying to me. Thought I might feel better if I spent some time with _real_ friends. Not just people who want to use me.”

“Sorry to hear that, kid,” Mitch frowned, “someone the family needs to visit?”

“I appreciate the offer, but no. Mind if I hang around for a bit?”

“Not at all,” Mitch pointed to a nearby trailer, “hungry?”

“Sure.”

***

Johnny had spent the entire day trying to get her to talk, and V had spent the entire day keeping her mind busy with various tasks around the Aldecaldos camp.

“Wish you came by more often,” Saul said from behind her as she worked on fixing his computer, “you’ve gotten more done in the past three hours than I’ve done in a week.”

“Tech is sort of my specialty. I was responsible for all of it in the old clan. That being said, your tech fuckin’ sucks, so this is sort of like slapping lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig, but it’s a little bit prettier.”

“Are you spending the night?”

“I need to head back to the city, deal with the situation,” V gestured to the chip.

“Mitch mentioned you were having some issues with a friend,” Saul kept his voice low so the others milling around the trailer couldn’t hear, “if you need help with that…”

“I appreciate it,” V shut Saul’s computer, turning to face him, “same sort of situation as your computer. When someone shows you what sort of person they are, you should believe them. I just expected something better, I guess. My own fault that I’m disappointed.”

“I don’t know about that, sometimes people can surprise you.”

“Sometimes, but not this time.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“Someone used me, manipulated me, lied to me, so I would do something to help them. I thought we were friends, turns out I was just a pawn.”

“That’s not true, V.”

V ignored Johnny and lit a cigarette.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Saul offered a sympathetic smile, “at least you know now, though. Now they can’t abuse you anymore. You’ve taken back the power.”

“True, just need to resolve the emotional fallout of realizing someone you thought was a friend, wasn’t.”

“For what it’s worth, I consider you a friend, and I hope you consider me one.”

“I do, thanks, Saul.”

“Come here,” Saul pulled V into a hug, “you’re a strong, intelligent, woman. You’ll figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.”

****

There was no avoiding Johnny when they arrived back at the apartment.

“V, please, just talk to me.”

V wasn’t sure if could properly illustrate how hurt she was, so she did the next best thing.

She remembered.

V pulled out a beer and took a sip as she remembered all the betrayal she had felt the night before, her anger as she broke the bottle, her resentment that he had lied and used her just to see Alt again.

She let him stew in it, feel every ounce of the hurt that she had felt, all while not saying a word.

It was almost satisfying to watch Johnny stagger over to the couch and sit heavily, struggling to catch his breath as he tried to navigate it all.

 _Arasaka might be onto something_ , V mused, _if you could share your hurt with someone, there would fewer affairs_.

Once it seemed like Johnny might cause a malfunction from it all, V stopped, lighting a cigarette and collecting herself.

“Shit.”

“Fuck you, Johnny Silverhand. Fuck your abusive and manipulative bullshit. Fuck you for making me think that you cared about me, and _fuck you_ for putting my life at risk to send me past the blackwall just so you could see your fuckin’ input. I don’t even like Rogue, but I can see why she was so mad at you that night on Arasaka Tower. If this is how you treat your _friends_ I’m not surprised that you don’t have any.”

Johnny sat in stunned silence, tossing his sunglasses on the table as he rubbed his temples.

“You asked me once why I thought they didn’t come for you? Shit like this would be why. You make people feel important, valued, just to fuck them over when it conveniences you. You treat people like tools, _pawns_ , in this stupid game you’re playing. I wonder if you even realize the hurt you leave behind, or are we all just collateral to you?”

“I promised I would die for you, V.”

“Oh, such generosity,” V rolled her eyes, “ _hey, V, storm Arasaka Tower for me? I can get back to my girlfriend and you’ll die in the process_. Give me _one_ way I get in there and don’t die, Johnny. _One_.”

“If we took Rogue…”

“So Rogue dies instead, preem. You’re not doing much to help your point. You’re a selfish piece of shit. I can’t believe I ever believed we were friends.”

“We _are_ friends.”

“Prove it.”

He couldn’t, V knew he couldn’t, Johnny knew he couldn’t.

“I’m going to keep working on this chip because I’ll die if I don’t, but we’re not going to Arasaka, Mikoshi, or past the blackwall unless _I_ say so. I’ve had enough of you using me. I’m making the calls from now on. I’m going to bed. I’m tired, I’m hungover, and my feelings are hurt. I don’t even want to look at you right now.”

“I promise, V, I consider you a friend.”

“Good for you,” V undressed, “but I’ve seen how you treat your friends, and it’s no privilege to be friends with Johnny Silverhand. You should have met Jackie, you might have learned something.”

“I’ve been learning plenty from you, actually.”

V hesitated, just for a minute, “like what? You’ve seen me with my friends, Johnny. You’ve seen me help Vik clean his clinic, work Misty’s store for her, you’ve seen me spend hours fixing things for Panam, Takemura, River. Tell me when you’ve seen me lie to them, or use them, for my own personal gain. If you think that the shit you pulled with me is _growth_ you must have been all sorts of cruel before.”

V turned off the lights in the apartment, getting into bed, and turning her back to Johnny on the couch. She tried not to focus on the little voice in her head that wished he would come over and hold her.

“I’m sorry, V.”

“I don’t believe you.”

***

“There’s my girl.”

“Hey, Tony,” V greeted with a smile, “how are you?”

“Good,” Tony leaned out the window of his food truck, “what brought you by?”

“I have had a _terrible_ week, and I needed some comfort food.”

“Comfort food,” Tony hummed under his breath, “your usual, or something different?”

“Surprise me.”

“What’s going on? Bad breakup?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Shame, sorry to hear that.”

V winced as Johnny appeared in front of her, turning away to look over the small outdoor dining area Tony had.

“You two together long?”

“Few weeks, burned hot and fast, you know how it goes.”

“Mmhmm,” Tony dropped a basket of fries into the oil, “you’re a beautiful girl though, you’ll find someone new. Someone who can value you.”

“A girl can hope.”

“Go sit down, sweetheart, I’ll bring it over for you.”

“Thanks, Tony.”

V sat down at one of the picnic tables, ignoring Johnny as he sat next to her.

“You’ve barely talked to me for three days.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I know you don’t, but I miss you.”

“You’re in my head, how can you miss me?”

“I miss talkin’ to you, getting to know you.”

“Too bad.”

“V, I swear I wasn’t trying to use you. I promise. I knew Alt was still around, yeah, but I didn’t know she was… _that_.”

“I don’t care what she is, Johnny. I’ve been studying different kinds of tech since I was young, I give exactly zero fucks that you used to screw a woman that turned into an AI. I care that you let me go into a fuckin’ tunnel and sit in an ice bath and almost burn myself out to go into the blackwall to talk to her. I care that you lied to me.”

“I’m _sorry_.”

“Are you? Or are you sorry that unlike the women that came before me I figured out that I was just part of your plan and I don’t matter at all?”

“You _do_ matter to me, V. Fuck. I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone.”

“Not enough to be honest with me. Clearly.”

“Here you go,” Tony set the container of food in front of her and joined her at the picnic table, “comfort food.”

“You’re a saint, thank you.”

“Tell me about this guy, give me the cliff notes.”

“Why?”

“It helps, sometimes, to get an outside opinion.”

“Well,” V took a bite of one of the fries, “Rockstar, activist, creative and funny.”

“Right, and what made him so special?”

“He’s unique, he made me feel important.”

“How’d it go wrong?”

“He was using me to get back with his ex-girlfriend.”

“Ouch.”

“Ouch,” V agreed as she took a bite of the burger, the Silverhand special, figured.

“His loss,” Tony reassured her, “the thing about exes is that they’re usually exes for a reason, right? I’ve seen intelligent people run their feet bloody chasing their exes, only to find out that the relationship still sucked once they got back together. Sometimes the past should stay in the past.”

V nodded as she took another bite.

“From what you told me you didn’t do anything wrong in this relationship. Sounds like a case of a stupid man not seeing the value of what he had, is all. Stick with it, you’ll find someone better.”

“Thanks, Tony.”

“No problem, sweetheart.”

“What do I owe you?”

“Nothin’, don’t worry about it. Wouldn’t be right to charge you when you’re heartbroken.”

“Tony…”

“Consider it your first date back on the market,” Tony winked, “I just bought you dinner. Now you can fall in love with me and leave that loser in the past, where he belongs.”

“You’re the best, Tony. Thanks for cheering me up.”

“You’re welcome.”

***

Johnny had been quiet the entire drive home, and when she walked into the apartment he appeared on the couch without his sunglasses, watching her.

“What?”

“Just thinkin’ about what Tony said.”

“What about it?”

“Alt,” Johnny sighed, “the girl I loved once, that…thing we met in the web? That wasn’t her.”

“No,” V agreed, entertaining him but keeping her guard up, “she’s an AI, they’re…bigger…than a human mind. She takes in tons of data per second, analysing and sending it back out again. She’s likely moved beyond things like emotion. Her human form, like she said, was just because it was familiar to you, she is…like the way people think of God…everywhere and everything. Alt Cunningham, your girlfriend, is just a speck of what her soul evolved into.”

“Does that mean she’s dead?”

“No, not exactly,” V joined him on the couch, keeping her distance, “it means she’s _more_. It’s hard to explain. Who you loved is still in there, that’s why she came when you called her, but it probably feels like known data to her, a save point, rather than love. She remembers you, but I don’t know if she can _feel_ for you. Some people have said AIs feel emotion, but the blackwall is in place to stop us from finding out exactly what they can do, who they are.”

“It’s weird, sort of feels like I just lost her all over again.”

It was a shocking admission, and V found herself on uneven footing, “I didn’t mean to upset you, you asked me a question.”

“Not you,” Johnny twitched his fingers, “can you have a smoke, please?”

“Yeah,” V pulled out her pack, lighting one as Johnny considered his words.

“I _honestly_ wasn’t trying to use you to get back to Alt, I just had a feeling that she would know how to fix this, considering she wrote the program that helped make the chip in the first place. I guess part of me had hoped if I talked to her that she might be like the Alt I loved, yeah, but…”

“But…”

“Fuck, V,” Johnny lit his cigarette, “that? Whatever that was? I don’t want to go with it. I’d rather be dead than some string of code merged with what _used_ to be my girlfriend, or loose in the web. It doesn’t seem all that different from being in prison.”

V studied his face, “I can’t tell if you’re lying.”

“I wanted to find Alt, and I wanted to talk to her, but after seeing _that_ , I wish I had done what Tony said, and left her in the past. I don’t know what was worse, her being dead, or knowing that she turned into whatever she is now.”

“You held quite the torch for her, though. She died in 2013, you bombed the tower in 2023.”

“I know I did, but it’s 2077 now, and like I said the other night, I’ve learned a lot from you.”

V sighed, “you’re a real dick, Johnny.”

“I know.”

“You really don’t want to go with her?”

“I’m going to be more honest with you now than I’ve ever been with anyone.”

“Okay…”

“I’m scared,” Johnny admitted, “I don’t want to go with her.”

“Then you won’t,” V promised, “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Even if I’m a manipulative dick?”

“You’re a manipulative dick,” V agreed, “but I’m not.”


End file.
